I’ve had the complete joy of studying with Dr Terri Orbuch, a PhD Relationship Therapist and the Project Director for a 30 year landmark study about love and relationships.
The study has been following the love lives of over 700 people since 1986. It shows there are FIVE specific behavior changes that lead people to find and KEEP love in their lives. If you apply a few of these principles for the next 21 days, research shows that you’re significantly more likely to find and keep love.
Behavior Change ONE: Cut your work hours by one hour a day
Cut back your work hours by one hour before or after work. When you take back work time, respondents report they were more likely to spend the time being around people or doing something they enjoy.
Scientists hypothesize that when your life focus includes doing things you enjoy and being around others recreationally, you feel better. Feeling better improves your interactions with others. This small behavior shift helps others notice you in ways they didn’t before.
Take the next 21 days and decide when you can cut away an hour from your work schedule. It will be interesting to see what you do with the time instead.
Behavior Change TWO: Seek advice from others about finding love
According to the study, it doesn’t matter who you talk to. It can be a friend, co-worker, stranger on the street, a therapist, or perhaps...a dating coach.
Scientists conclude that talking about finding love allows you to let out emotions and frustrations. Venting like this helps you become more emotionally neutral about dating.
It’s not just about venting, these conversations also lead to valuable feedback and encouragement. This support helps you gain the momentum you need to take action.
It puts love and opportunities to connect at the top of your mind. When it’s top of mind, you’re far more likely to notice and take social opportunities to interact.
Take the 21 day challenge and have 21 conversations with different people about finding love.
Behavior change THREE: Find new ways to talk about money
The research is clear, conversations about money often lead to relationship tension. Disagreements about money are a top reason for relationship breakups.
When you become more aware of your own thoughts, feelings, experiences and expectations about money, you’re more likely to be neutral in discussions about it. Decreasing the tensions about the topic of money will help relationship partners communicate about it in a way that will foster good connections.
Take the next 21 days to sort your ideas about money and create a strategy to be able to talk about finances in a neutral way.
Behavior Change FOUR: Improve your communication skills
Understanding what good communication includes will help ALL your conversations (not just ones with romantic potential).
Research shows that people who are better at communicating are also better at developing and maintaining romantic relationships. Now might be a great time to put a little research into learning how to do things like ask better questions or how to become a better listener.
Take the next 21 days to think through and study this out. Find an eCourse, read some articles about becoming a listener. Hire a dating coach to help you get better listening and sharing your opinions, needs and thoughts in social settings. It will make a BIG difference!
Behavior Change FIVE: Improve your conflict and stress management
This one is a game changer. Guess what is NOT HOT to the men you’re trying to date...being a stress case who runs from all forms of conflict (including the mere possibility of rejection).
Life is too short to be a stress case. There are all kinds of coping techniques, meditations, mindfulness strategies that really DO work (even if you think they won’t).
Invest time for 21 days to become a person who can live through stress a little better than before. Download a mindfulness app, hire a therapist, talk to a zen friend that seems to know how to roll calmly through life’s bumps.
After 21 days
If you need more than 21 days worth of accountability to stay engaged, consider a dating coach. If you’d like to schedule a time to talk for free about what working with a dating coach could do for you, get on my calendar here: https://calendly.com/kristinsokol/30min